It’s been 2am podcasts, reading a devo on my phone, or a verse here and there the past couple of weeks since Elizabeth arrived! This afternoon she was good and milk drunk so I warmed up this morning’s coffee, grabbed a couple of gingersnaps from the cookie jar, and snuggled under the fur blanket in our living room. There were floors to be cleaned, laundry to do, people to call… but I just needed a few minutes. Pippa curled up beside me, eventually snoring, and I laid into Mark 4, where I had left off about three weeks ago.
I’m trying to revel in quality, not quantity these days. Mulling over a single verse or portion, rather than trying to digest a whole buffet of verses. Asking myself, “what does this show me about Jesus, myself, my sin, his redemption….?” I’d rather walk away from 10 minutes with the Lord and have Him speak to me in the short quiet, than ravage through an hour of reading and walk away, patting myself on the back for doing my duty as my spirit remains unfilled.
As I reread Mark 4, asking myself, “What does this show me about Jesus?” I stopped and mulled over the first verse… “Again, he began to teach beside the sea. A very large crowd gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat in it on the sea, and the whole crowd was beside the sea on the land.”
First off, why did Mark even bother putting in this minute detail? I let myself envision what this would look like…. hundreds of people gathering around Jesus as he edged closer to the tickling of the cold sea water. Jesus wasn’t one to have a ‘bubble’ or not want people close, so why, I asked myself, did HE get in a boat away from the people? Why didn’t he just have his disciples push people back like security at a U2 concert? Back away, give him some room, let him speak people.
I quieted my heart, and this is what came to me… because Jesus responds to our hunger and always moves for OUR benefit. He never pushes us away, or makes our desiring seem like an unnecessary thing. He moves. He gets where we can hear him, see him, learn from him, in whatever way is best. And immediately my heart felt silenced with His love…
Sometimes when we feel he is moving away from us, the Lord is actually getting ready for us to see him better. Clearer. More profoundly than we ever have before.
And those few moments I had with God as Lizzie napped was all my soul needed for today. Manna for today. As we speak, she is still napping, the laundry is spinning, and my coffee is now cold. Oh well. My heart is full 🙂