You do this thing where you look up to the ceiling when I burp you. Enraptured by our gallery wall or the lights, you could stare for days. I wonder what goes on inside of your sweet mind, and marvel at your cuteness.
You have completely and totally changed our lives in the nine weeks since you arrived, and the adventure has but begun. As the spring rain finally pours down outside, you sleep softly next to me – wrapped in a pink afghan as The Piano Guys play softly. I count not the days anymore, but the hours to your next feed. Everything is now done quickly – eating, showering, laundry and the few minutes of exercise I try to squeeze in before you call to me again!
I’ll admit, I was afraid of post-partum depression or falling apart in trying to hold you together. Yet God’s peace has sustained in such a perfect way. Oh baby girl, there were days, and still are, where I cry in wonder or tiredness. There are also amazing sweet moments where Daddy and I laugh and melt at the sight of you, and scary moments like last night where I just did not know what to do; feeling helpless, I called out to Jesus. I find this new parenting thing to be a constant dance of embracing and letting go. The dance of grace; I will teach you the steps one day, darling.
You are growing far too quickly, yet that is a sign of health, so I don’t wish it away. I can see in you a sweet personality developing, and that makes my mamma heart so happy. I could just kiss you all over. And do.
Since time is of the essence these days, I find myself most encountering the Lord as I sing Jesus Loves Me over you at night, more than the daily devotions and habits I had so established before. Part of me struggles with that, and then I remind myself to receive God’s good grace to find a new normal as your mom. And that Father God will meet with me right where I am at.
You know what anchors me when I feel unsure of what to do, my little girl? Knowing that you are a gift, straight from God to us. Your name means “pledged to God” and in the moments when I don’t know what to do or feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that God gave YOU to US and He will enable us to be your Mommy and Daddy!
In fact, I was counting my blessings yesterday, you being one of them, and realized how I am living my dream with your Daddy. I have an amazing husband, you an amazing Daddy, we both enjoy our work, own a home, have you in our lives now, we are healthy and love our families. What more could we ask for? Sometimes in the hustle I forget that you were once what I prayed and asked God for. With you in our lives, we are living our dream, Elizabeth.
So Daddy and I will continue to sing praises over you, continue to lean into grace, and continue to love you with all of our hearts. I look forward to more shopping trips like yesterday (as you smiled at me in the change room, as though approving what I had chosen to model), adventures in the kitchen and beyond, and watching your little personality take flight sweet one.
Elizabeth Grace, we will keep looking up, just as you do so very often. You are a good gift, from our very good good Father. We love you baby girl!