Dating was hard for me. There, I said it. Being the hopeful romantic that I was, alongside the ambitious-wanting to please the Lord and make something of my life kind of girl I was/am, I had a hard time just letting love happen.
When my husband Troy and I met (thank God for my husband!), there were phone calls and moments for me where I had this idea in my head of how things should look, and I really wrestled when they weren’t as expected. I so believe God wrote our love story and it has been perfect for us, but not without a lot of communication, forgiveness, giving and receiving. Pursuit of a heart isn’t always easy, even though the desire be there. Letting your heart be caught, on the other hand, also isn’t easy.
I wanted to make good and sure my heart was caught, held, captured, and treasured and it all needed to look like X, Y, Z. And that has definitely leaked into my relationship with the Lord.
Have you ever had a season, or years, where you felt like He was MIA, or just not GETTING you? Like, Jesus, You KNOW I want to love You and know You, so… could you just sweep up this mess and make me new? Like, today? That has pretty much been my lifelong silent prayer.
But you know what? As Priscilla Shirer once said, “God’s grip on you is stronger than your grip on Him.”
If you read the gospels, Jesus had purpose in every encounter, every quiet restful moment, every prayer, every relationship … it all had meaning. Everything He did was about us. For us. In pursuit of us. Out of love. He doesn’t need our toiling, like Matthew 6 cautions us against. He takes care of the lilies and the birds, He can surely take care of us. And in His pursuit of us, I believe it’s always to enable us to walk out His commandments more freely – to love Him, and to love our neighbour. (Mark 12:30-31).
You see – Jesus is always pursuing you. I believe it’s always to bring freedom to love and be loved. And more often than not, it looks different from what we expected. Ultimately, like my dating relationship with my husband, I had to let my heart be caught, and trust that a deep love was on the other end.
I believe that sometimes we walk through life trying to ensure that Jesus “gets” us, and hasn’t forgotten us. Trying to white-knuckle our grip on the Father’s hand so that He does what we want Him to. Can I hear an amen? I’ve done a lot of white-knuckling in my life. But I would rather be free to love and be loved. I would rather let Him pursue me and cleanse me.
And let His grip on me love me the best.