There I was in a crumpled third-trimester mess on the kitchen floor, reaching up for last night’s stale caramel popcorn as my 1.5-year-old sweet daughter and in-need-of-a-haircut-dog stared at me wondering what the heck was going on.
The ugly cry pipes finally broke loose as my unmet expectations ran wild with it. My daughter had been up at 5:30 that morning. The reason? I dunno. And yes, I let myself cry a good one around my daughter. And that’s okay. As most unexplained sleep deprivation in parenthood goes (so I am learning), you have to learn to roll with it, put a smile on, and maybe another coffee and cartoon. We were out that morning for a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting with gals from church, and the timing was just long enough to surpass my daughter’s sleepy stage. You see, she doesn’t nap long in the car, so I always try to keep her awake until we make it home, to have a proper crib nap. This was one of those days where she was nodding off as we drove home.
Fast-forward to a quick lunch, diaper change, a snuggle, story and kiss and I knew as soon as I laid her down she wasn’t having it. She was beyond overtired. Her normal lay down and sweet “byyyeeeeee” was not happening and I spent the next two hours up down, letting her cry, crying myself, and wondering what the heck?
After trying everything I knew to do, I gave up. No nap today. Why is this bothering me SO much? I half-prayed and half asked myself. I think the fact that I seemed to be falling apart as she was refusing to do what I wanted her to was what really upset me. Ever felt that? More upset by your reaction to something than the something itself?
In between all of that I had texted my husband Troy; just wanting someone to know what I was experiencing. So, as I now stood there in the kitchen eating my caramel popcorn and my 1.5yr old totally not bothered by not napping, my husband walks in. And more tears came. Did you come home just because of this? I asked as we embraced. Partially. He needed to pick up some tools, but knew I needed a hug. Sigh. What a good man.
For some reason, the fact that I didn’t get to take a short nap, pack and ease in to my staycation with my husband REALLY bothered me that day. Call it preggo hormones, tired, one of those days, or whatever … my expectations weren’t met and I FELL APART ya’ll! My husband and I were having our first overnight together away from our daughter and the fact that I was entering that time of rest so distraught and tired bothered me. But perhaps, it was even more evidence of the fact of how much I needed a break.
And you know what? That’s okay. I needed a break. I needed a couple days of no expectations. No agenda. No alarm clock. No monitor. For our relationship, it was needed. For me, it was needed.
My measuring stick of expectations and the managing of them has been a huge thing for me. And as we are about to welcome baby #2 in just a couple months, I realize they will be shaken again. Refined. And find a new normal, just as they did when I became a mommy almost two years ago.
The one thing I keep coming back to is this: Hard is where I meet Jesus. And where He does His best work in me.
So expectations and all – I am bending my knees, in great need of Him and His beautiful grace. Perhaps you can relate to “having one of those days” where you get thrown off and don’t know why it bugged you so much.
I just figure if we always come back to our Father’s arms then we’ll be okay. More than okay 😉
Here’s a few pics from our sweet staycation together xo
(yes, we pretty much ate and relaxed the whole weekend! 🙂 )